Pain at Christmas and During the Holidays

Christmas and the Holidays can be either the most magical time of year or your worst nightmare.

We all know that. I believe that there’s hardly any human that has not experienced pain during the holidays, for different reasons- but after all, always the same. Lack of love, of a dear one, of money- hence of possibilities- of health, of freedom, of peace.

Many, many people are not happy at Christmastime. And in a world that promotes the idea of needing to be merry and happy during the Holidays and show it (just think of commercials, ads, movies and social media), feeling bad or in pain may really feel like being really, really wrong.
If you’re reading this and you’re suffering, I give you permission to be sad. To feel all of your pain. The depths of it.
Truth is, you cannot escape the pain- if it’s there, it means there is something in you that needs to be healed. And that pain that you’re feeling, while not pleasant at all, is an opportunity for healing and transformation. For greater and greater lightness and happiness. Trust that.

Actually, there are ways to transcend the pain- I have discovered that during my own journey (and I will write about that in another post). But when you feel the pain, that deep ache of your soul that leaves you empty and almost paralyzed at times, it’s hard to believe there is something, anything good in that suffering. I know because I’ve been there.
For six years, I’ve spent Christmas all alone. Feeling lonely, a black sheep, a misfit, completely wrong and not worthy of love, crying desperately most of the time.
And for four solid years of those six,  all alone and thousands of miles away from my family, connecting only via Skype for a little while. Shutting myself inside the house because it felt just too darn painful to go out and see the rest of the  world busy in its merry activities while I couldn’t stop the tears and make that heavy weight leave my heart.

During that time, I’ve tried to keep myself happy in all ways- I knew I had to reassure my family and dear friends that I was OK- I’ve decked the house, cooked from scratch for myself, made the tree(s), bought and wrapped my own presents- feeling like there had to be a reason for all of that pain. Journaling and being out in Nature as much as possible to stay sane and take care of myself (because one of the things that that pain has done for me, is making me love myself enough to take good care of myself).

Those Christmases and Holiday Seasons have been hard like hell. But boy did they teach me invaluable life lessons.

And while this Christmas 2018 I’m not particularly happy- I have my moments of “unconsciousness” when I feel deep, deep pain for a certain circumstance in my life, that I would like to be different, and I cry all my tears until I have red, puffy eyes until I come to my senses- at the same time, I’m also light and peaceful, as I’ve learnt to not judge. I try my best to observe myself from the outside and the events from a neutral standpoint (which for sure alleviates the pain).

It is what it is- and I have to accept what is. Nothing else than that. Something I’ve learnt for sure during my spiritual awakening is you can’t fight the Now. You must embrace it with open arms and trust in the universe. Or you will create more and more pain for yourself.

One of the ways to transcend the pain is for sure to use it for your own healing. I, for example, do my soulwork steadfastly and diligently. I journal, I clean and clear my energy with intention, I stay in direct contact with Nature each and every day and move my body. These pictures are from this morning. I stay with the pain when it comes knock at my door- I feel it all. You can’t escape your pain- if you try, you may be able to avoid it temporarily, but it will be back until you feel it- simply because it’s here to teach you something. And until you’ve gotten it, it will follow you around.
The best part I have discovered during my spiritual journey, is that the moment you allow yourself to really feel the pain, it magically dissolves. It loses its grip on you. It’s only when you accept to feel the pain (one of the feelings of the spectrum of the human emotions we are here on planet Earth to experience!), that you are really free. There is such freedom in not fearing to feel uncomfortable. I’m confident you will find truth in this statement the more you grow spiritually. And I promise you will also find peace in your pain (for how absurd and illogical and paradoxical it may sound).
So, give yourself permission to feel your pain, and not be merry. Even if the rest of the world is (or pretends to be, or thinks to be) happy.
And if you need a helping hand, I gladly give you permission to feel your pain, as I feel mine. And as I allow others to see it- really see me. Without hiding behind a mask, without hiding my tears if I’m out and I want to cry or have achy, puffy eyes, without joining others in their own idea of how Christmas and the Holidays should be or look like, and without having to explain them absolutely anything. Let your pain do its work on you.

And on this note, I’m sending you love and light from my corner of the world this Christmas.

Monica xoxo


Alice Reuther said…
A peaceful Christmas to you, my sweet friend, and many thanks for this beautiful post.

After trying so hard to understand 'it', I realized that I am stuck in fear! and it is fear that prevents me from 'feeling' LIFE itself! I know you have written about fear, so here I am back, back on the trenches of this not war but journey.

Love your courage Monica, you are YOU with WINGS and everything else!!!

Much Love,
Monica said…
Dear Alice,
thanks for your sweet comment.
The solution is to *feel* the fear. You can't feel life- as you've stated it- unless you feel the fear first and get comfortable with it. I promise, it will lose its grip on you when you let it wash over you without "fearing" to feel all the feelings!
Monica xoxo